My Favorite Birthdays

“I like my birthdays every one” goes an old Primary song. My birthday is fun, and every year something different and exciting happens. Some year it gets celebrated quietly with little notice. Other times there’s lots of fanfare, friends, and cake. These are some brief recollections on some of my favorite past birthdays. In other words, here’s a highlight reel of the last twenty-four birthdays I’ve had.

fromaway.com

My Tenth Birthday:

I was in fourth grade. My dad came to lunch, which was great because I always thought it was cool when someone else’s parents came to do lunch with my classmates. That day my class was having a reading points party, and there was pizza and root beer and (after dad left) some root beer chugging. Ahhh, the innocence of youth.

My Twelfth birthday:

Turning twelve is a big deal in the LDS church because that’s when boys get the Aaronic priesthood and girls advance to Young Women’s. So to mark the day when I hoped my life would begin, my parents let me invite over three of my school friends. We had a big bonfire in the corral of my family’s barn (yes, we have a barn), and then the usual cake and presents inside. I got a new diary and The Road to El Dorado on VHS.

NASA

My Fifteenth Birthday

I was already in high school, and I was older and sadder than I’d been when I was twelve. I didn’t do anything big for the celebration that year. But the night that I was celebrating with my family, we heard on the news that the International Space Station was supposed to fly over the area. I went outside by myself to watch it. I spent two minutes looking up wide-eyed at a very fast-moving light crossing the sky.

My Sixteenth Birthday

Sixteen. Drivers’ License. Old enough to date. Neither of those things really mattered at the time of my birthday. But I did hear in the local newspaper that one of the middle schools was putting on a performance of Disney’s Beauty and the Beast. My mom got tickets and we picked up two of my friends from Young Womens’--turns out they knew some of the cast so they enjoyed the show, too. And then it was back to my house to sleep over. I was having a pretty miserable year at school--hence the move to Arizona the following year--but my birthday was definitely a highlight.

inspired.disney.de

My Seventeenth Birthday

This was probably one of my best birthdays ever. If not THE best. That was the year I was living in Arizona. I had a party on Friday night, invited tons of girls from the neighborhood but only three showed up, but that was okay because I was tight with all of them. We played Spoons in my grandma’s big living room and we got pretty violent, like, throwing the spoons across the room violent. Sunday was my actual birthday. It snowed a little bit, but not enough to cover the ground, but it was great to actually get some kind of snow for my birthday. I got a huge chocolate cake that I decorated with chocolate chips to spell 17 and my birthday dinner was barbecue chicken and my aunt’s twice-baked potatoes. But the best part? Monday in my history class, my classmates whipped a gigantic cupcake out of nowhere with lit candles and sang to me. I was touched. I’d been a total stranger when I’d moved in that August, but by December I was cool enough that they’d sing to me for my birthday.

My Eighteenth Birthday

Probably my most underrated birthday. I got to register to vote. I asked my mom to make me a cake shaped like an elephant because I had my heart set on joining the Republican party (LOL). That weekend, I picked up my friends Katrina and Linda and we went to see Disney’s The Princess and the Frog, which IMO is a very underrated movie. Then I drove them all the way back to my house for cake and we played ninja on our back porch. And then Dad and I drove my friends all the way back to town. Worth it.

Sporcle

My Nineteenth Birthday

The worst thing about having a birthday in December is that when you’re in college or living in a college town, you have to take finals on or around your birthday. Well, I was a freshman at BYU and for all intents and purposes I was having the time of my life so it wasn’t a big deal. On my birthday, I took my finals for Book of Mormon and Geology 101 because they were both subjects I liked and fairly easy exams. When I got home, a couple of guys in my ward serenaded me with the birthday song from The Emperor’s New Groove.

My Twentieth Birthday

I was already starting to show signs of depression. Flipping out when I realized that I had a final scheduled for my birthday should have been a red flag. But for some reason I’d gotten it into my head that between a scheduled final and work in the evening I didn’t have any right to celebrate my birthday at all, even on a different day. My roommates, thankfully, talked me out of that mindset. The morning of my birthday, they made a big breakfast for all of us, hash browns and eggs. Then when I got home from work, a group of my friends from the BYU Medieval Club came by my apartment to serenade me and bring me treats. I was told later that the look on my face when I saw my friends at the door was one of pure joy. Knowing that my friends really cared about me and that I loved them in return got me through the hell that was the next four months when my OCD was trying to twist me into thinking that it wasn’t true. And you know, that’s the kind of joy I’m looking for to this day.

My Twenty-second birthday

My twenty-second was a quieter birthday. The day before, me and two of my roommates went to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas concert--this was the 2013 concert I mentioned last week that I enjoyed SO MUCH. John Rhys-Davies and Deborah Voight were the guest artists. My roommates and I decided that Voight was a diva, coming out on stage in a bright red gown and belting out “The Twelve Days After Christmas” with some real attitude (in all seriousness, though, a great performance). On the day of, my singles ward decided to take a trip to the Draper Temple. It was my second time doing baptisms there, but this time it was only me and a couple other people from my ward in the baptistry that night. For some reason I was outside waiting for a long time in the cold for the rest of my group, so I made a call to both of my grandmas to pass the time. When I finally got in the car to leave Draper, my ward friends couldn’t help singing “Twenty-two” by Taylor Swift when I told them how old I was turning. We made a stop at Nicoitalia Pizzaria in Provo for dinner.

My Twenty-fourth Birthday

There were marshmallow stormtroopers. I took three friends to see Star Wars. I died--just kidding I didn’t die but spoiler alert Han Solo died and it was more devastating than I thought it would be. I am seriously looking forward to next year because the midnight release for Episode VIII will be on my birthday. For more on what actually happened at the party check out this article I wrote for The Geeky Mormon:  http://thegeekymormon.com/the-perfect-star-wars-party/

personal photo

Legends are Lessons: The Indian Paintbrush

Yesterday at work I found a copy of The Legend of the Indian Paintbrush by Tomie DePaola, one of my favorite story books growing up (and also one of my favorite Reading Rainbow books--just sayin’) .

The Best Children's Books!

The story is about a Native American boy named Little Gopher who was smaller than the other boys. He wasn’t able to keep up with the other boys in their physical sports and combat games. But he did have a gift for painting and making works of art. After coming to manhood, Little Gopher decides to make being an artist for his clan his profession. He still feels bad that he can’t ride out to war with his peers. But he focuses on what he can do: paint the histories of the hunts and battles and visions of his people.

And then he has to confront the ultimate challenge: to paint the colors of the vibrant sunset. No matter how he makes or mixes his paints, Little Gopher can’t seem to get it just right. Then one night, he hears a voice telling him to take his canvas of white buckskin and go out to a hill to watch the sunset, and he will find the right colors waiting for him there. The next night he goes, and he sees paintbrushes coming out of the hill, the brushes dipped with paints in the exact right colors. And the sunset painting he creates is finally good enough to share with his people.

It’s funny how when we’re adults, the stories we read as kids turn out to be relevant when we revisit them. But this was the story I needed to hear again.

Window on the Prairie

I’m different from the people around me because of my mental and emotional challenges. I try to keep up with everyone else--and in some ways I need to learn to take care of myself the way everyone else does. But I also have strength in my own creativity. I have important things to create, things I want to share with other people in the world. I don’t have to do what everyone else does. I don’t have to fit into society’s normal, expected roles. Because if I do, then people don’t get to see what I have to share, and the world is a much darker place for it.

And sometimes I feel like what I’m making isn’t good enough, that it isn’t the way it needs to be. And other times, I feel like my efforts to take care of myself fall short, that I can’t do well enough on my own to fit in. But I know if I keep trying, if I keep putting forth the effort, then sooner or later everything will fall into place, and I’ll be able to make it work.

Reality Check

I am currently seeing a therapist. Yesterday we had a very frank discussion about the direction I've been taking with some of my hobbies. There's nothing wrong with fandom or cosplay, my therapist suggests, or with using these as an escape. But one thing she was concerned about was that it's getting to the point where it's easier for me to find purpose in my fantasies than in real life.

The worst thing about having OCD that it can turn anything--ANYTHING--into a bad thing. It's not that I have lost myself completely in my fantasy life. It's just that I'm afraid that I'm going to. I'm afraid that there is going to be a negative impact on my ability to take care of myself and to have normal, healthy relationships. I brought this up with my counselor because I've been struggling with that fear lately.

As I mentioned in a previous post, your focus determines your reality. My OCD is so focused on the fantasy stuff (because it attacks the things you love) that it can appear to be dominating my life. At the same time, partly due to my OCD, I focus a lot these days on escaping reality. It's partly because my reality is less than satisfactory. It's also because I've reached the point where, thanks to cosplay and other means available in fandom, I can bring my fantasies to life. It's empowering and, at the same time, addicting.

I think one solution is balancing my life with other activities. Because let's face it, my worst fear is going to the other extreme and falling for the lie that I need to cut out everything geek-related in my life. Or, even worse, I do something stupid to act on that lie.

One thing my therapist suggested was to go home and write down my thoughts on the matter--not write as an escape, but use writing as a tool. She wanted me to start thinking about what gives me purpose in real life and what I could use to keep myself attached to the real world. And I thought, why not make it a blog post?

Things that give me purpose in real life:

• Making music--I'll have a post about that next week
• Friendships--being with the people I care about is what makes me happier than anything else
• Service, especially helping other people with mental/emotional disabilities
• Travel--I love going to places I've never been to, but I always like revisiting places I love
• Scholarship--literature and history in particular. Now that I'm done with college, I am nowhere near done learning. And I want to learn for fun! I want to fill in the gaps in my favorite subjects and to discover new ideas as well. 
• My family--Spending time with family is about building real relationships and creating real memories, strengthening bonds that are meant to be eternal
• Animals--I love being with or working with animals. I'd love to own a pet someday--it's not as practical, I know, in my circumstances, but something to think about
• Reading books--let's face it, there are already millions of books out there to read, and there are more to come
• Following my natural curiosity--when you come across something by chance, don't let it pass you by, find out what it is and see where following it can take you
• Theater/drama--the more serious side to entertainment, storytelling without cameras or special effects or editing
• Nature--including occasional hiking and camping, but I'm really more of a relaxed walk kind of person
• Watching movies--there are always old ones to rewatch and new ones to discover
• Socializing--I love going out and meeting new people and spending time with my friends.
• Cooking and baking--I haven't really done a lot of baking lately. 
• Service and participation in the Church

Well, that's a start.

Meet the Jedi in Jeans

I've tried to run a personal blog before.  Not surprisingly, I lost interest.

But THIS TIME will be different.

That's what they all say, true.  But it's been my experience, you miss a hundred percent of the shots you don't take. So why not give it another go?

Meet the Blogger

My name is Elizabeth Cole.  The details of my backstory will come out eventually, but for now you should know that I am from Texas with strong ties to Arizona and I currently live in Utah.  I graduated from Brigham Young University with a bachelor's in English (I minored in anthropology). And I'm still in Provo. Yes, it's a crazy town, but it's a better place for me to live and work.

For the record, yes, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, a.k.a. I'm a Mormon.  You can view my LDS.org profile here. I do have a lot of political, social, and moral views that you, dear reader, might consider unpopular.  I might not discuss religion/politics/morality so much on this blog but they might still come up. You have been warned.

Me when I graduated from BYU

Another thing: I have Asperger's Syndrome. I was diagnosed at age fourteen after my violin teacher realized I didn't have any friends.  According to my diagnosis I have a milder form of Aspergers: I have all the symptoms but they're not overwhelming.  I don't have (many) sensory/stimuli issues.  I am an introvert and it takes effort for me to socialize. I am very obsessive and I like to harp about my interests to anyone who will listen. I can jog in short spurts but I can't run. And I love, love, LOVE to write.  So be warned, I will try to keep my posts for my blog short but they will get long-winded, even on subjects I'm not nearly as passionate about. I spent most of high school learning to socialize and make small talk.  It's difficult but most of the time it's worth it. Most people who meet me can't tell that I'm different.

My sophomore year of college, I came down with depression. I found out I also have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder--not the germophobia kind but I can get stuck on repeated negative thoughts that might translate into behaviors. Thankfully nothing bad happened and I not only fought my depression/OCD but I also graduated from college.  I did have one or two periods when I was suicidal. I am still taking Prozac, which helps keep my thoughts from getting overwhelmingly negative.

If you're wondering about my current job situation, it's complicated. The AS might be part of the reason why. For now, I have a job blogging for a product review website (we won't go into that here).  Notably, I am currently a co-author for The Geeky Mormon with Jake Dietz. The position is unpaid but I love being able to contribute to the discussion on major sci-fi and fantasy topics.

Me as Agent Carter, with added checklist
FanX 2015

My goal in life is to be a fantasy writer. I already have two complete written drafts, one of which you can read on Wattpad. I'd like to be as big as J.K. Rowling--let's face it, who doesn't? But a more realistic goal would be to be a part-time author and parent like a lot of the local LDS authors that I read a ton of, such as Brandon Mull, Shanon Hale, Jennifer A. Nielsen and (my current favorite) Jessica Day George. I am single, so I'm still working on the parent part, too. As far as my dating situation is concerned, I have chosen to take the advice of Peggy Cater and Steve Rogers: I'm waiting for the right partner.

What this Blog is For

With my job situation a little imbalanced, in addition to my books I focus on my hobbies, and my hobbies are, well, fandom-oriented.  My major fandoms right now are Star Wars, Harry Potter, the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and the Lord of the Rings. I also like Narnia, Pirates of the Carribean, Disney, and, right now, Hamilton and Supergirl. Since getting out of college, I have started attending fan conventions and doing cosplay (I am scraping by, technically, since I don't have a job).

I am starting to get around in the local fan community, and with my cosplay and my blogging getting attention and wanting to use those to get my name out there, I am going to use this blog as a hobby blog, and since I want to promote my Jedi in Jeans brand that is the label I will use.

Photo from a recent Scarlet Witch photoshoot.
Photo by Marissa Okolowitz

Here's a rough outline of what to expect:

• Fandom: I frequently have deep thoughts about films and books and I will share them here if I'm trying to save room on The Geeky Mormon for other stuff.
• Cosplay: Will include photoshoots and works in progress.  I will focus on my own cosplays but I will sometimes include pictures of other cosplayers around events and conventions.
• Conventions and Events: Including but not limited to Salt Lake Comic Con, FanX, convention panels, press conferences, movie premieres
• Books and Movies/TV: I will use this blog as a platform for reviews that won't necessarily make The Geeky Mormon (a.k.a. Hamilton).  TV shows I will likely wait until after the mid-season or end of season.  Currently I'm only watching Supergirl and Rebels. 
• Faith/Religion: I don't like getting involved whenever there is a huge internet crisis going on in the Mormon blogosphere.  If I have something important to say, however, I will say it.  It would probably be more realistic to say that rather than making entire posts devoted to my faith I would more often integrate my religious views into my other posts. The Provo City Center Temple is gearing up for the open house and dedication so expect to see something about that.
• Other interests: History, science, travel, family, whatever I think is important to write about.  As a writer, I am a jack-of-all-trades.  Everything is experience.

How the Jedi in Jeans Started

Lastly, a story.  The first day of my first job at BYU, I got to go through the remnants of a clothing swap at the dorms and I could keep whatever I wanted.  One of the few items from then that I've held on to was a knee-length blue knitted cardigan.

That fall, my next-door neighbor had a Star Wars party.  Initially I came as I was because I couldn't think of anything to wear.  But then I remembered something: the cardigan.  It was a perfect Jedi robe.  Underneath it I put my dark blue Disneyland hoodie and I put a Padawan braid in my hair.  Voila! I was a Jedi.  I wore the outfit again to a Halloween party and came up with a character name and backstory. Since the blue robe goes so well in denim, I call myself the Jedi in Jeans.

I have been to Salt Lake Comic Con twice and FanX once, and I've worn the Jedi in Jeans to all three as well as to the press conference in November for the upcoming FanX in March.  It was the outfit I wore a year ago when Carrie Fisher smeared glitter on my right cheek and gave me her autograph. I keep telling myself I'm going to upgrade it or phase it out, but it makes the perfect outfit for when I want to dress comfortably and if I'm going somewhere else later.  The only real change I've made is going from a padawan braid to wearing two braids pulled back on my head: I just felt like I needed to grow up a little.

The Jedi in Jeans meets an old friend at Salt Lake Comic Con FanX 2015

The Jedi in Jeans is an orphaned Jedi Apprentice who fought in the Clone Wars and survived Order 66.  Somehow she came to this planet and made a new life for herself.  I suppose it's an appropriate premise for this blog, since I'm just an outsider trying to make sense of life on Earth.