Was 2016 Really That Bad?

I look on Social Media, and everybody says that 2016 was the worst year ever. Everybody is SO GLAD it is over. Even on Facebook, friends of mine are saying that they had a tough time.

I have to say that I agree on a few points. Although we narrowly avoided electing Lady Palpatine to the office of President of the United States, we did get Jabba that Trump instead.

There were a lot of celebrity deaths, and that was hard to swallow for the fans of those celebrities. But I have to admit I wasn’t affected by this trend until the very end.

This year was also really cruel to fictional characters. I won’t name names. *coughingattackBuckycoughcough*

It was a hard year personally. I had some real struggles with my depression and self-esteem and there were some scary moments. Even the things that were good to me, my mental issues turned or tried to turn into bad things. You could say that this was the year I realized that I was in trouble and I needed to do something about it.

But in reality, my 2016 was not a complete disaster. There were a lot of good things that happened this year. It is important in any reflection to remember the positives. So here are 16 reasons my 2016 didn’t suck (completely):

1. The Martian--Seems like a good place to start. First thing I did when I got home from Christmas vacation last year was walk up the street to the Dollar Theater to see The Martian (and that fact is probably one of those things I will never get tired of mentioning). I have seen it three times since. I know I’m going to watch it one more time at some point in the future because I need to introduce my best friend to it. It is a fun, uplifting movie based on a fun, uplifting book. And now that I’ve read the book and seen the movie I get to be in the fandom and make contributions to it. The 70’s mix was a great jam for this year and probably deserves a category by itself. And The Martian is a movie I actually enjoyed that stars Matt Damon so now I can’t say I don’t watch his movies without lying. (I can also say that I’ve seen a movie that Sebastian Stan was in that wasn’t Marvel. ;’) )
   
   
   
   
2. I Started This Blog--Not only that, but I’ve written in it almost every week--I mean, 49/52 is PHENOMENAL. This is a new record for me. I am proud of myself.
3. I became the weekly correspondent for The Geeky Mormon. I wasn’t sure how I was going to be able to handle that with writing weekly for this blog, but I did it. It was great to have more space to write geeky things about. I was even able to keep it going when I got a job and my life got even more busy.  I have even used TGM as a platform to spotlight my other friends in the geek community.
4. I got an actual job--they say you’re not supposed to talk about your employers on social media, so just to be safe I won’t mention names here. I will say it is a thrift store, in Provo. If you know me personally then you know what I’m referring to. I got hired in the middle of May and I’ve been working there since. That’s the longest I’ve had a job since I got out of college but that’s partly because my supervisors have been very flexible with my personal needs. But it’s something else to feel good about. I have an income. I can buy my own rent and groceries. I’m able to pay for my own cosplays with what’s left over. My supervisors are great and willing to give me time off to go do volunteering, and my coworkers are wonderful to work with.

   

   Mark Loertscher Photography

5. It was an excellent year to be the Scarlet Witch--ahhh, yes. The Avengers: Age of Ultron introduced Scarlet Witch to the Marvel Cinematic Universe in 2015 and so at the following comic-cons Scarlet Witch cosplays were everywhere. But that didn’t stop me from putting on the arm warmers and black nail polish whenever I got the chance, especially for charity work. And seeing Wanda Maximoff kick butt in Captain America: Civil War was one of the highlights of that film. #TeamCap #TeamWanda
6. I resumed regular visits with a therapist--I did say this was a rough year for me mentally, didn’t I? Well, thankfully I had a therapist to help me talk through the harder stuff.
7. There was a Cole Family Reunion--Basically we rented a huge resort cabin in Duchesne and chilled for a few days, which was fine by me. It’s kind of hard to want to be around all these people when you’re an introvert but it does pay off when you make an effort. You love these people for a reason.
   
8. Also a Cole Family Wedding--I didn’t get to go to the Fourth of July in Taylor this year due to work, which was a travesty. But I did get to sneak down to Mesa for my cousin Hannah’s wedding. I went down with her brother Cole and helped pay for gas and slept in the car like an adult. I had fun fixing flower arrangements, celebrating my cousin’s marriage and seeing my relatives again.
   
9. My best friend got married and I got to be a bridesmaid--Right before I went home for Christmas this year (so only a couple of weeks ago, but still it was last year) I got to be a bridesmaid. Abby and I met the first day of Freshman orientation at BYU and we’ve been tight ever since. She and her hubby Bryce are so sweet together. I am so happy I got to be a part of her special day, even if it was on December 16th ;) 

   

   Photo courtesy of Abigail Prince
   

   
   

10. Jeremy Renner came to FanX--Hawkeye never looked more like a hawk in his life. I mean:

11. 

    The Salt Lake Tribune

    Mark Hamill came to Comic Con--That was a treat. Salt Lake Comic Con rented out the Vivint SmartHome Arena in Salt Lake and while I was afraid it was going to be a hassle it really wasn’t. I got to sit for about an hour and listen to him tell stories about his career, about being the Joker but more importantly (to me) being Luke Skywalker.  And the pre-show with my fellow Star Wars fans? Worth coming early for!
12. Everything Cosplay--Last year, one of my New Year’s resolutions, along with this blog, was to step up my cosplay game. And I did it. I’ve made at least fifteen cosplays, most of them from casual clothes but a handful from scratch. I’ve gone out and done more with my cosplays this year, too--in addition to comic con, I’ve also done fan videos and photo shoots. My resolution this year? Keep going. I have at least fifteen more cosplay ideas in my head, and some are already in the works.
    
13. Kids Heroes--The trick with all of those costumes I have is to have a use for them. Some of my more kid-friendly or popular characters I have a niche for with the Kids Heroes Foundation. But while going out and being a character is fun, it’s been even more special to go out and serve people, to actually make a difference by being someone they know and love.
14. I ended this year right by getting a new smartphone that I can actually use--Yes, you heard that right. I now have a Microsoft Lumia 640. I can now use social media and internet on my phone. I now have apps on a phone that is appropriate for using apps. I HAVE A CAMERA THAT TAKES QUALITY PICTURES THAT I CAN POST DIRECTLY TO THE INTERWEBS. TO SAY I’M EXCITED WOULD BE AN UNDERSTATEMENT.
15. BLOODLINE--I don’t consider myself a judge of Star Wars books since I didn’t read the EU. But I have read a few other titles in the new Star Wars canon, some of them are great and some of them are meh. But none of them are as amazing as Bloodline. I can't say enough about how great this book is.
    
16. I made an abundance of wonderful new friends--Some of these friends were in the singles wards I was in, but most of them were cosplayers like myself, and a good share of them are in Kids Heroes. Some of them I won’t get to see again or I’ve only met once or twice, but I love them just as much. Some of them I’ve only friended on Facebook and met in person if I was lucky. To all of you, thank you for this wonderful year we’ve shared together. Thank you for the memories we’ve made together and the fun times we’ve had. You were the best part. You made 2016 worth it.

Some Musings on Making Music

I mentioned to my therapist last week that I hadn’t practiced my violin for a while, and she kind of told me off for “burying my talent” in favor of other pursuits. Over the course of the last week, I have gotten out my violin to practice, mostly in anticipation of a performance at an upcoming family reunion that I should have started preparing for weeks if not months ago. But these are a few thoughts I’ve had on the subject.

I don’t like playing my violin. I have to get it in and out of the case nearly every time I use it, and I’m not very good. I practiced for hours on end when I was in middle school and high school simply because my violin teacher(s) asked me to. I didn’t take much pleasure in it.

My immediate and extended families, mostly my dad’s side, are very music-oriented. Music is an important part of our family traditions and I learned violin partly so I would be able to participate. There was kind of an expectation that when I got to college that I would study music on top of whatever else, if not make that my major. But that wasn’t what I wanted for myself. And of course as soon as I got to BYU and figured out how competitive and labor-intensive the music program there is I knew that wasn’t happening.

I enjoy listening to music but making it is kind of an offense to my inner sloth. Since moving out to college, I have gotten out my violin only for the Fourth of July and Christmas. In fact there aren’t a lot of my friends who know I play the violin at all. But in addition to satisfying my own self-indulgence, not making my violin a part of my regular hobbies has been a kind of rebellion against the family paradigm, or at least my perception of it.

So last week I started playing again. I’ve not only been practicing the piece for my upcoming performance, but I’ve also been playing old Suzuki pieces and favorite hymns to warm up. In light of recent personal struggles, taking time to make music has been refreshing. Somewhere in between and after all the hard hours of practice, I forgot that there are violin pieces that I enjoy playing. I forgot what all those hours of hard work were for--so that I could play the music.

I moved to Arizona my junior year of high school. One of the perks was playing in the high school orchestra. I got my violin in and out of its case every day for eight months. At home I would practice on my aunt’s violin, and I would pick out the hard parts and play them over and over again so I wouldn’t trip up when performance time came. Belonging to a legit high school orchestra was one of the best experiences of my life. I practiced my parts the best I could so that I could felt like I’d earned all of it--because the field trips and the friendships would have meant nothing to me if I’d gone home and slacked off. The last orchestra concert of the year we played a medley from Pirates of the Caribbean with the band and it was amazing. I practiced and practiced and PRACTICED because I love Pirates, I love the music from the films, I went on the ride twice when I went to Disneyland, and I wanted that final performance to be the best it could be--and I wanted my part to be the best it could be.

E! Online

After high school, I told myself that I would keep playing the violin and singing in church choirs so that I could make other people happy. I’ve done ward choir a lot less than I would have liked, especially after graduation, and I’ve touched my violin even less. But I remembered something last week. I do the things I do--the cosplay, the writing, the fan art and memes--for the same reason that I need to keep up with my music. It’s not about me, it’s about the happiness I can bring to other people when I share my gifts. And those other people include, oddly enough, myself. I practice so that when I’m called on to perform, I can do ____ to the best of my ability. You have to practice hard in order to be good at something, and you learn something ahead of time so you can enjoy it later. You have to master the basics in order to do the hard stuff.

Yes, focusing on my chosen field of study in college was important, but, now especially after graduation, it is also important to focus on all of my talents and interests, to enrich myself in as many ways as possible. Listening to beautiful music is wonderful, but being able to make it is a gift in itself.

Reality Check

I am currently seeing a therapist. Yesterday we had a very frank discussion about the direction I've been taking with some of my hobbies. There's nothing wrong with fandom or cosplay, my therapist suggests, or with using these as an escape. But one thing she was concerned about was that it's getting to the point where it's easier for me to find purpose in my fantasies than in real life.

The worst thing about having OCD that it can turn anything--ANYTHING--into a bad thing. It's not that I have lost myself completely in my fantasy life. It's just that I'm afraid that I'm going to. I'm afraid that there is going to be a negative impact on my ability to take care of myself and to have normal, healthy relationships. I brought this up with my counselor because I've been struggling with that fear lately.

As I mentioned in a previous post, your focus determines your reality. My OCD is so focused on the fantasy stuff (because it attacks the things you love) that it can appear to be dominating my life. At the same time, partly due to my OCD, I focus a lot these days on escaping reality. It's partly because my reality is less than satisfactory. It's also because I've reached the point where, thanks to cosplay and other means available in fandom, I can bring my fantasies to life. It's empowering and, at the same time, addicting.

I think one solution is balancing my life with other activities. Because let's face it, my worst fear is going to the other extreme and falling for the lie that I need to cut out everything geek-related in my life. Or, even worse, I do something stupid to act on that lie.

One thing my therapist suggested was to go home and write down my thoughts on the matter--not write as an escape, but use writing as a tool. She wanted me to start thinking about what gives me purpose in real life and what I could use to keep myself attached to the real world. And I thought, why not make it a blog post?

Things that give me purpose in real life:

• Making music--I'll have a post about that next week
• Friendships--being with the people I care about is what makes me happier than anything else
• Service, especially helping other people with mental/emotional disabilities
• Travel--I love going to places I've never been to, but I always like revisiting places I love
• Scholarship--literature and history in particular. Now that I'm done with college, I am nowhere near done learning. And I want to learn for fun! I want to fill in the gaps in my favorite subjects and to discover new ideas as well. 
• My family--Spending time with family is about building real relationships and creating real memories, strengthening bonds that are meant to be eternal
• Animals--I love being with or working with animals. I'd love to own a pet someday--it's not as practical, I know, in my circumstances, but something to think about
• Reading books--let's face it, there are already millions of books out there to read, and there are more to come
• Following my natural curiosity--when you come across something by chance, don't let it pass you by, find out what it is and see where following it can take you
• Theater/drama--the more serious side to entertainment, storytelling without cameras or special effects or editing
• Nature--including occasional hiking and camping, but I'm really more of a relaxed walk kind of person
• Watching movies--there are always old ones to rewatch and new ones to discover
• Socializing--I love going out and meeting new people and spending time with my friends.
• Cooking and baking--I haven't really done a lot of baking lately. 
• Service and participation in the Church

Well, that's a start.