Finding Gratitude

There's a million things I haven't done. And not having done them drives me crazy.

Some of you may or may not be aware of this, but for the last few months my depression has been worse than usual. My parents and other responsible adult figures have encouraged me to make going to work at my job my number one priority. Which means no taking time off of work for cosplay (no Saturday events) or for family (second year in a row I've missed the Fourth of July in Arizona). 

This year in general has been rough. The few cosplay events I have been to have usually been accompanied by some degree of anxiety, so I haven't really been able to enjoy them as much as I would have wanted. 

Photo from this spring

The stuff I usually agonize about is, with all this on top, harder to manage. I just want so many things that time and money prevent me from having. When I don't have them, when I have to wait longer for the money to buy that new costume or order that new t-shirt, I get frustrated. When I get home from work, I'm tired and I don't feel like working on costumes or writing, let alone put in the effort to work on actually finding a real job. So the things I want to have get delayed...and delayed...and delayed. I pass the time at work gathering wool about what to put into my stories, but I get home and I am too eager to find an excuse to not spin it. I don't get to eat out every weekend. I don't have a lot of food in my fridge, and I don't feel like cooking much. I'm stuck at a job that I don't want, I don't have money to buy everything I need or want, I'm not going to the places or doing the things that I want to do. And worst of all, I never get to spend time with the people I want to see the most.

I never get what I want, right when I want it, as much as I want it. 

All I focus is on what I want.That just makes me more miserable.

This morning, I had a moment of inspiration. Instead of thinking about what I don't have and haven't achieved yet, I could instead feel gratitude for the things that I do have. The things that I have done. What I HAVE accomplished.

Last September, right before Comic Con, I was having a really bad time. All I could focus on were the areas where I was failing. But during a phone call with my mom, she reminded me of the things that I have achieved and the things that I had to look forward to that very weekend. Her sharing that with me was a reminder that I am worth something. That I am capable of doing things--good things, great things, difficult things.  

You know, I could use the same kind of perspective right now. 

I don't get to see my cosplay friends a lot. But we have shared a lot of good experiences. Why be sad about the fun I could be having, when I can look back and remember the good times? 

There are a lot of costumes I want to build or I am somewhere in the stages of building. I don't have time/resources to allocate to creating one-hundred-percent-screen-accurate-costumes right now. But I have already created outfits for a lot of my favorite characters. I've sewn a few of them myself, even. I'm not the best at crafting things by hand, but the stuff I do put together looks good, and it tells a story. People recognize these characters and appreciate me for bringing them out. And I've been able to create some beautiful art through cosplay.

I don't have time to be a full-time writer/author right now. It makes me sick sometimes, to think of all the story ideas that I have that I don't have time to sit down and write, even in my spare time. Guys, being a writer is hard work!

But I do have these stories to tell. I have places to go in my head and my heart. I have stories that I can plan out in my mind. When I get the chance, I can sit down and chip away at them, a little bit at a time. Even though I can't share them all right now, the ones I have created have given me a place to go where I can be happy and safe, and where I can find a different way to analyze my fears. 

I know I haven't posted as much in my blogs as I've wanted to so far this year. But looking back, I have actually written a lot of posts over the last two years, and some of them are actually great.

I don't get to travel a lot. I haven't been outside of Utah since Christmas. I haven't been able to travel anywhere new lately. The only time I ever left the country was when I was three, and that was for a wedding in Mexico I don't even remember. I did get to go to Nauvoo and Florida when I was little, but I feel like it doesn't count. I haven't really BEEN anywhere cool since becoming an adult. And I've been telling myself for years that I was going to save up money and travel. 

But I have been to fantastic places. Right here in the West. I see these places sometimes every summer. I know where they are. I can always go back to them in my mind.

There are friends I don't see in person a lot. But I post things on social media to make them laugh. I still know them. They still know me.

I haven't been able to go out much this summer. But I have made it to four wedding receptions in the last three months--that's actually kind of a record. And I have also been doing a lot of reading--more on that coming next week.

Some of you know, I have invested a lot of my soul in Salt Lake Comic Con in the last few years. Salt Lake Comic Con regularly has a high turnout of big-name celebrities. But I have never had the money to get photo ops or autographs with any of them--except for Carrie Fisher and John Rhys-Davies. Those were two experiences that I will never forget. I also met Ray Park and Daniel Logan in passing. And LeVar Burton. I may want their autographs but I HAVE met them and that's saying something. I may not have gotten their autographs but it was still just as cool to meet them. I've meet some of my favorite authors as well, and been able to meet up with my friends in the professional geeking world. 

And as for the other celebrity guests--Mark Hamill, Chris Evans, Jeremy Renner, Anthony Daniels--I've been able to go to their Q&A panels. I've been in the same room as them, and been entertained by them with thousands of other fans. I saw and heard them in person. Some of the things they've done at Salt Lake Comic Con have gone viral over the internet, and I am able to say that I WAS THERE. And there are guests that I want to come or to come back very badly to upcoming conventions. But if I complain about them too much, I'll forget the good times we HAVE had with the people who HAVE been. And when looking back, I shouldn't listen to the snarly voice in my head that says "You should be grateful for what you already got and stop asking for more." No. Just be grateful. Just feel it.

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I don't live in a penthouse. I don't have an apartment all to myself. I'm still living in the Provo "bubble." But I do have a nice place to live. And I can decorate it however I want. I'm walking distance from BYU campus and some good shopping areas, fast food, and I can get to a bus stop easily. (Plus I haven't misplaced my UTA farepay card for the last several months. There's something to be said for that).  

I'm not a perfect person. I'm not a flawless Molly Mormon. I don't go to the temple EVERY week. I don't make it to church sometimes because I sleep in. Sometimes I only read my scriptures for five minutes instead of fifteen. I haven't done any visiting teaching this summer. And I get angry. A lot. Over stupid little things.  But I am striving to be a good person. I do things that invite the Holy Ghost in my life. I'm trying to socialize more with my ward. I go to the temple when I have the time and energy, and I've been doing better the last couple of weeks. I've started reading through conference talks with my scripture study. 

I have my temptations and weaknesses. But I don't let them define who I am or who I want to be.

I don't have a car, but walking everywhere keeps me in somewhat good shape. My job requires physical activity as well. I'm actually pretty tough physically. And even if my mental health is a mess my physical health problems aren't usually worse than the occasional cold. 

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Remember that meditation I posted last year, Your Focus Determines Your Reality? If all I do is focus on how badly I want something, then the negative feelings will harm me. If I focus on everything that is going wrong, then my life is, indeed, a disaster.

If I take time to look back and think about the things that I do have--a place to live, food to eat, a decent job with reasonable hours, lots of costumes, lots of memories, lots of friends both near and far away--then I realize that I not only have a lot, but I AM a lot. 

What I have may not be the same as what the more-accomplished-adult in the Ritz has, but I shouldn't give in to the trap of thinking that what I have isn't "real" or as important. 

This line of thought inspired me to re-read a talk that President Uchtdorf gave in conference a few years ago, "Grateful in Any Circumstances." It's humbling that I've finally figured out what that talk was about and that I have a reason to apply it. Gratitude isn't so much counting off your specific blessings as it is having the capacity to appreciate those things--the capacity to feel that these things are gifts from God. Especially when times are hard. Seeing the good in the world, in your life, requires faith.

I know my posterity may not be satisfied that I have not kept very consistent personal records over the last several years. But I hope that when they read these blog posts, they will be able to see how I was able to find the positive in difficult circumstances. That's all I want for anyone who reads this next week to get from it, too.

Why 'Thumbelina' is an Important Movie

I may be turning into a motivational writer. That’s a good thing, right? I might not be as good at following my own advice so take it with a grain of salt. Maybe I’ll listen to myself someday. But for right now, I want to share the following thoughts because I’ve had them for a while.

Don Bluth’s Thumbelina is one of my favorite movies ever. I grew up watching it over and over again as a little kid, and I fell in love with it again as a tween--and then the VHS player in the back room ate our copy. I didn’t watch it again until college.

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The first time I watched it as an adult, I was still slowly recovering from my first really big battle with depression. And on that viewing, Thumbelina made an impression on me like it never had before. Yes, it is a kids movie, but like some things more geared towards kids, there is something about Thumbelina that adults need to take seriously.

And what is that, exactly? I’m talking about following your heart.

Thumbelina is a little, LITTLE person in a big world, dominated by big people and bigger animals. Bigger things like mother nature. From the outset, Thumbelina doubts herself because she doesn’t know if she can ever take control of her own life--or have someone her size to understand her. Don’t get me wrong, she loves her mother, but there’s something special about being able to share your life with someone you have something more in common with. Like age. Or stature.

“I wish I were big,” she laments to her mother one night over story-time.

“Oh no,” says her mother. “Don’t ever wish to be anything but what you are.”

Accepting Bethany

Later that night, she meets fairy Prince Cornelius. They fall in love almost right away and go out for a romantic joyride. Thumbelina is pretty sure, yes, this is what she wants in life.

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But after she goes to bed, Mrs. Toad hops in and kidnaps her. Because Mrs. Toad’s son, Grande, is in love with Thumbelina, too.

Thumbelina protests, she loves the fairy Prince, what makes Mrs. Toad think she wants her son? But Mrs. Toad offers her something a little more interesting: a chance to join the Toad family band, travel the world, and become a famous music star. To be big--big as in important. Rich and famous. How could marrying your true love possibly be as rewarding, she tempts Thumbelina, as being rich and famous?

"Ai, chihuahua, that would be a very big mistake." WeHeartIt

Thumbelina’s infatuation with notion evaporates as soon as the Toads abandon her on a lily pad to go get the family for the wedding.

“DOESN’T ANYBODY CARE WHAT I THINK?”

Accepting Bethany

This, right here, summarizes Thumbelina’s frustrations in the whole entire film. She loves the fairy prince and wants to spend her life with him. But she keeps getting sidetracked and waylaid by other characters who don’t care what she wants, who think that what she wants isn’t as good or important as what they want for her.

Thumbelina is rescued by Jacquemo the swallow, who is probably the only major character in the film to give a darn about what Thumbelina wants. He even does a whole musical number about it. And why is that? Thumbelina is lost, she has no idea how to get home, and the odds of getting back to be reunited with the prince should be slim to none for a girl no bigger than your thumb.

“It’s impossible.”

“Impossible? Nothing is impossible!”

Accepting Bethany

It’s a cliche catchphrase, but it’s still an important one. We get held back and discouraged by everything that goes wrong, we begin to think that the goals we set out to achieve are not obtainable. To believe that we can achieve anything in our desire, that we have the power to do so, is a choice.

With her spirits renewed, Thumbelina sets out to go home, and then she gets taken by the Beetle. Instead of meeting up with the prince, she gets to make her big debut in the Beetle’s show. But as soon as her costume falls off and the bugs start ridiculing her looks, the Beetle leaves her high and dry.

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Jacquemo, who always seems to turn up when Thumbelina needs encouragement the most, tells her that if she doesn’t care about the Beetle, then his approval doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is what she thinks of herself, and what the people who truly care about her think.

Winter comes, and she hears word that Prince Cornelius is dead. Mrs. Fieldmouse’s proposal seems reasonable: marry the Mole and let him take care of her for the rest of her life. When she was out looking for home and getting nowhere she was starving. What’s the use?

But Jacquemo comes to remind her again that what she really wants is to marry the Prince. This scene almost breaks my heart. Jacquemo is reminding her that she can get what she wants, that she isn’t too small to follow her big dreams. And she’s yelling at him, “STOP! STOP IT, JACQUEMO!” For all Thumbelina knows, Cornelius is dead and her dream of being with him is shot. But a part of her still wants to believe--she still wants to have Cornelius in her life. She’s partly yelling at herself. I relate to this so much.

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She’s in denial, you’re saying? Well, it’s more than just that. She comes to her senses at the altar and rejects the Mole. Even if she mistakenly believes that Cornelius is dead, she still knows that no one else could never make her that happy.

Jacquemo, who cared enough about Thumbelina’s dream to help her get it, takes her to the Vale of the Fairies, where Cornelius--who wasn’t dead after all--finds her again. And that’s when Thumbelina gets her own wings--because she followed through on her dream.

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I’m here to tell you today that when you really want to have something in life, your attitude is what makes the difference. Like Thumbelina, chances are the odds are stacked against you. No one with your set of weaknesses is likely to succeed. But the only thing stopping you is yourself. You need to believe in what you want. And you need to believe in your ability to reach your goal. No one can make you believe. Believing is something you do for yourself.

Fame and fortune, popularity, and a comfortable life are not the things that will really make you happy. True success comes from being true to what YOU want.

Follow your heart. It is the message behind Thumbelina. It is the message behind many of my favorite stories. In a world where there are so many people trying to tell you what to do and how to live your life, it is a message that desperately needs to be heard.

It doesn’t matter if your goal is to marry a fairy prince, get your degree, or make a million dollars (or, like me, take just care of myself). Whatever you have to go through to get it is worth the agony. When you follow your heart--when you go after what you really want, and you do what it takes to pursue your worthwhile goals--then you can do anything.

“Nothing is impossible.”

Accepting Bethany

Read More: Thumbelina's Life Lessons by Accepting Bethany. This blogger makes similar points and then some. 

Love You to the Moon and Back: Lupin and Tonks

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I’m going to make honoring one of my OTPs a Valentine’s Day tradition (Link: last year's post). True, my personal love life SUCKS, but reading about love and watching movies about love is encouraging. Love still has a purpose in existence. And it is an integral part of my fandoms and my favorite stories. Because sometimes love is what makes all the difference.

Fair warning, I am going to get extremely personal with this post. But the themes in this story are tied to issues that have been on my mind recently. (If you’re my future husband, however, I think you need to read this.)

This year’s OTP is Lupin and Tonks from the Harry Potter series. This couple is special to me for a number of reasons so allow me to elaborate. This might end up being more of a tribute to Lupin than to Tonks or the both of them, but as they say, there’s method to my madness.

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As some of you may or may not know, I am a sucker for backstories and subplots. One of my absolute favorite things about the Potter saga is the Marauders backstory. Imagine this: listening to the Jim Dale audio performance of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban while driving through the Colorado rockies to drop off dad at a Boy Scout high adventure, and after dark while you’re trying to fall asleep before Mom gets to the hotel you’re at the part where Harry, Ron and Hermione are in the Shrieking Shack with Sirius, Lupin, and Pettigrew. It’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever heard. You already read it a month ago, but this time the story has meaning.

Then a few months later your family rents the movie on VHS over Thanksgiving (yes, it actually came out on VHS). Your mom is explaining the backstory of the Mauraders to your best friend’s mom who only speaks Spanish. You understand enough Spanish in context of the situation that you know what she’s saying. It’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever heard in Spanish.

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Remus Lupin, at a young age, was bitten by Fenrir Greyback and made a werewolf. Once a month, he becomes a mindless monster. Other werewolves have rejected mainstream wizardry. Lupin’s parents want him to have as normal a life as possible. Arrangements are made for him to attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. And when he’s at Hogwarts, he comes across three young boys his age who instantly become his best friends. Their antics and hijinks become the stuff of school legend. When they discover their friend is a werewolf, they don’t reject him. Instead they stand by him and do their best to make life more bearable for him.

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Tragedy strikes after they leave school. Wormtail betrays them and goes on the run. James is murdered by Voldemort. Sirius Black is framed for selling him out and sent to Azkaban. Remus Lupin does his best to live a normal life in the Wizarding World, but it’s difficult. And lonely.

Enter Nymphadora Tonks at the start of the Second Wizarding War. Recent Hogwarts graduate, Hufflepuff, recruited to the Order of the Phoenix. I don’t pretend to know how Tonks and Lupin were introduced. Or what it was about him that got her to like him. To be honest, I have a hard time understanding women who go after older men period. And I don’t get why Tonks would suddenly have an interest in a guy who is poor, older, and not guaranteed to be able to take care of her. She’s a young, attractive Auror with everything going for her. What is she thinking?

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And yet for some reason, right before Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince came out, thirteen-year-old me starts having fantasies that Lupin and Tonks would get married. I don’t recall the reason why. But I did think that Tonks having a good job as an Auror would be able to get him wolfsbane potion once a month, so that would sweeten the deal. If she’s an Auror she has to be good at potions, right? And plus, she’s the one with a good job, so Remus wouldn’t have to worry, right? (For the record, my mom has been the breadwinner in my family since I was a preteen so I don’t see anything wrong with working moms).  So in other words, I shipped them before I knew shipping was a thing.

So you can imagine my surprise and delight with the hospital scene after Dumbledore’s death. Due to this and several other weird predictions/premonitions during my youth, I conclude that I had ESP when I was younger.

I have to assume, as with most things in fandom, that Tonks fell for him behind the scenes. During their work together for the Order of the Phoenix they spent time together, got to know each other. And somehow, there was chemistry. And then, Tonks opened up to him about her feelings. He was scared. He wasn’t ready for someone to accept him. So he backed out. Hence, mousy-haired, moody Tonks all of Harry’s sixth year.

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This is the part where I’m really grateful for Fleur Delacour. Any other witch could have rejected Bill Weasley after being injured by Greyback. Any other witch might not have risked the side effects of Bill being poisoned and having his face scarred. But to Fleur Delacour, there is more to being in love with someone than their being young and whole. And this is the affirmation that Tonks needs to voice her true feelings. I think it’s the Hufflepuff in her: she loves Remus and she refuses to give up on him, no matter what.

For months after Half-blood Prince came out, I would go back and re-read this part over and over again.

Lupin doesn’t reject her because he doesn’t want her. He rejects Tonks because he hates himself. He’s anything but the ideal Wizard that Tonks should be seeking after.

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There are very few fictional characters that I identify with as much as Remus Lupin. And I would be hesitant--am hesitant--to get into a committed relationship with someone for those same reasons. I’m poor. I can’t keep a job. I’m mentally imbalanced. I’m autistic. I have moments of OCD-induced terror or rage that make me feel exactly like a werewolf. I could never be a perfect wife to the perfect guy I’m going to fall in love with someday. Much less a perfect mom to the kids of that perfect guy. My anxiety over failing in these important, God-given roles is almost paranoia. It’s probably worse for Lupin because he’s been rejected over and over again in public: my worst critic is my own self.

In book seven, when Lupin abandons Tonks, the fear that motivates him to do so is frighteningly real to me. But not so much that I am afraid of what my children will become. I’m afraid of them having a monster for a mother. A mother who can’t take care of them.

For the record, I have not seen the film adaptations of Deathly Hallows, parts one or two, because of how they treated the Lupin/Tonks story in the sixth film with them already dating. That was just cheesy. And I knew that they weren’t going to get right any of the other parts that mattered for Deathly Hallows, much less Lupin and Tonks. I suppose someday I’ll swallow my pride. But for the record, it goes to show how much their story means to me. Even the actors who played Lupin and Tonks agreed that they wanted to see more of their story on screen.

BOOM. (Pinerest)

Getting back from that tangent: I guess sometime before Dumbledore’s funeral, Lupin and Tonks had a talk. Lupin must have figured out that he actually loved her in return and he was talked into courting her. By the beginning of book seven, they’ve eloped. Reading that part for the first time after the book came out was sheer joy. For someone who was such a huge fan of Lupin, his relationship with Tonks was a miracle.

I just kind of dealt with Lupin leaving Tonks during her pregnancy--I read Deathly Hallows for the first time in most of one day. That was resolved soon enough. And it turned out Lupin’s fears about a monstrous child were ill-founded: Teddy turns out to be a metamorphmagus like his mom and he’s absolutely suave when he grows up. But Remus and Tonks dying in the Battle of Hogwarts when Teddy is just days old? That hurt. That hurt a lot.

I mostly feel bad for Lupin because, after all of the crap that he’d put up with in his life, he deserved, he NEEDED, to be happy. Finally with Tonks and Teddy, he had everything going for him. ALL OF THE OTHER MARAUDERS WERE DEAD. AT LEAST ONE OF THEM SHOULD HAVE LIVED.

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But Remus Lupin died at the battle of Hogwarts so that Voldemort’s reign of terror would end. And Nymphadora Tonks died alongside him because she didn’t want to be without him. Her son was safe at home with her mother. Tonks wanted to be with the man he loved.

“He will know why I died and I hope he will understand. I was trying to make a world in which he could live a happier life.”

I can be okay with that. That’s as much as any true hero dies for, isn’t it?

But last year, keeping with her annual tradition of expressing remorse for the death of a character, J.K. Rowling had a few words to say about Remus Lupin.

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Remus Lupin is one of my favorite Harry Potter characters because, yes, like me, he had a hard life, but in spite of that he was able to experience the true magic of friendship and love.

Lupin and Tonks are a reminder that to be truly in love with someone--to be in a true, committed relationship with them--means that our flaws, our imperfections, our weaknesses don’t matter. When two people in love get together, they promise to do their best to support each other and rear the next generation in spite of everything that could go wrong. True love keeps going. I hope that when I find my true love, I can find the same courage.

If you like the pins/pictures I had in this post, follow my Pinterest board harry potter and the pinterest of erised

Was 2016 Really That Bad?

I look on Social Media, and everybody says that 2016 was the worst year ever. Everybody is SO GLAD it is over. Even on Facebook, friends of mine are saying that they had a tough time.

I have to say that I agree on a few points. Although we narrowly avoided electing Lady Palpatine to the office of President of the United States, we did get Jabba that Trump instead.

There were a lot of celebrity deaths, and that was hard to swallow for the fans of those celebrities. But I have to admit I wasn’t affected by this trend until the very end.

This year was also really cruel to fictional characters. I won’t name names. *coughingattackBuckycoughcough*

It was a hard year personally. I had some real struggles with my depression and self-esteem and there were some scary moments. Even the things that were good to me, my mental issues turned or tried to turn into bad things. You could say that this was the year I realized that I was in trouble and I needed to do something about it.

But in reality, my 2016 was not a complete disaster. There were a lot of good things that happened this year. It is important in any reflection to remember the positives. So here are 16 reasons my 2016 didn’t suck (completely):

1. The Martian--Seems like a good place to start. First thing I did when I got home from Christmas vacation last year was walk up the street to the Dollar Theater to see The Martian (and that fact is probably one of those things I will never get tired of mentioning). I have seen it three times since. I know I’m going to watch it one more time at some point in the future because I need to introduce my best friend to it. It is a fun, uplifting movie based on a fun, uplifting book. And now that I’ve read the book and seen the movie I get to be in the fandom and make contributions to it. The 70’s mix was a great jam for this year and probably deserves a category by itself. And The Martian is a movie I actually enjoyed that stars Matt Damon so now I can’t say I don’t watch his movies without lying. (I can also say that I’ve seen a movie that Sebastian Stan was in that wasn’t Marvel. ;’) )
   
   
   
   
2. I Started This Blog--Not only that, but I’ve written in it almost every week--I mean, 49/52 is PHENOMENAL. This is a new record for me. I am proud of myself.
3. I became the weekly correspondent for The Geeky Mormon. I wasn’t sure how I was going to be able to handle that with writing weekly for this blog, but I did it. It was great to have more space to write geeky things about. I was even able to keep it going when I got a job and my life got even more busy.  I have even used TGM as a platform to spotlight my other friends in the geek community.
4. I got an actual job--they say you’re not supposed to talk about your employers on social media, so just to be safe I won’t mention names here. I will say it is a thrift store, in Provo. If you know me personally then you know what I’m referring to. I got hired in the middle of May and I’ve been working there since. That’s the longest I’ve had a job since I got out of college but that’s partly because my supervisors have been very flexible with my personal needs. But it’s something else to feel good about. I have an income. I can buy my own rent and groceries. I’m able to pay for my own cosplays with what’s left over. My supervisors are great and willing to give me time off to go do volunteering, and my coworkers are wonderful to work with.

   

   Mark Loertscher Photography

5. It was an excellent year to be the Scarlet Witch--ahhh, yes. The Avengers: Age of Ultron introduced Scarlet Witch to the Marvel Cinematic Universe in 2015 and so at the following comic-cons Scarlet Witch cosplays were everywhere. But that didn’t stop me from putting on the arm warmers and black nail polish whenever I got the chance, especially for charity work. And seeing Wanda Maximoff kick butt in Captain America: Civil War was one of the highlights of that film. #TeamCap #TeamWanda
6. I resumed regular visits with a therapist--I did say this was a rough year for me mentally, didn’t I? Well, thankfully I had a therapist to help me talk through the harder stuff.
7. There was a Cole Family Reunion--Basically we rented a huge resort cabin in Duchesne and chilled for a few days, which was fine by me. It’s kind of hard to want to be around all these people when you’re an introvert but it does pay off when you make an effort. You love these people for a reason.
   
8. Also a Cole Family Wedding--I didn’t get to go to the Fourth of July in Taylor this year due to work, which was a travesty. But I did get to sneak down to Mesa for my cousin Hannah’s wedding. I went down with her brother Cole and helped pay for gas and slept in the car like an adult. I had fun fixing flower arrangements, celebrating my cousin’s marriage and seeing my relatives again.
   
9. My best friend got married and I got to be a bridesmaid--Right before I went home for Christmas this year (so only a couple of weeks ago, but still it was last year) I got to be a bridesmaid. Abby and I met the first day of Freshman orientation at BYU and we’ve been tight ever since. She and her hubby Bryce are so sweet together. I am so happy I got to be a part of her special day, even if it was on December 16th ;) 

   

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10. Jeremy Renner came to FanX--Hawkeye never looked more like a hawk in his life. I mean:

11. 

    The Salt Lake Tribune

    Mark Hamill came to Comic Con--That was a treat. Salt Lake Comic Con rented out the Vivint SmartHome Arena in Salt Lake and while I was afraid it was going to be a hassle it really wasn’t. I got to sit for about an hour and listen to him tell stories about his career, about being the Joker but more importantly (to me) being Luke Skywalker.  And the pre-show with my fellow Star Wars fans? Worth coming early for!
12. Everything Cosplay--Last year, one of my New Year’s resolutions, along with this blog, was to step up my cosplay game. And I did it. I’ve made at least fifteen cosplays, most of them from casual clothes but a handful from scratch. I’ve gone out and done more with my cosplays this year, too--in addition to comic con, I’ve also done fan videos and photo shoots. My resolution this year? Keep going. I have at least fifteen more cosplay ideas in my head, and some are already in the works.
    
13. Kids Heroes--The trick with all of those costumes I have is to have a use for them. Some of my more kid-friendly or popular characters I have a niche for with the Kids Heroes Foundation. But while going out and being a character is fun, it’s been even more special to go out and serve people, to actually make a difference by being someone they know and love.
14. I ended this year right by getting a new smartphone that I can actually use--Yes, you heard that right. I now have a Microsoft Lumia 640. I can now use social media and internet on my phone. I now have apps on a phone that is appropriate for using apps. I HAVE A CAMERA THAT TAKES QUALITY PICTURES THAT I CAN POST DIRECTLY TO THE INTERWEBS. TO SAY I’M EXCITED WOULD BE AN UNDERSTATEMENT.
15. BLOODLINE--I don’t consider myself a judge of Star Wars books since I didn’t read the EU. But I have read a few other titles in the new Star Wars canon, some of them are great and some of them are meh. But none of them are as amazing as Bloodline. I can't say enough about how great this book is.
    
16. I made an abundance of wonderful new friends--Some of these friends were in the singles wards I was in, but most of them were cosplayers like myself, and a good share of them are in Kids Heroes. Some of them I won’t get to see again or I’ve only met once or twice, but I love them just as much. Some of them I’ve only friended on Facebook and met in person if I was lucky. To all of you, thank you for this wonderful year we’ve shared together. Thank you for the memories we’ve made together and the fun times we’ve had. You were the best part. You made 2016 worth it.