Finding Gratitude

There's a million things I haven't done. And not having done them drives me crazy.

Some of you may or may not be aware of this, but for the last few months my depression has been worse than usual. My parents and other responsible adult figures have encouraged me to make going to work at my job my number one priority. Which means no taking time off of work for cosplay (no Saturday events) or for family (second year in a row I've missed the Fourth of July in Arizona). 

This year in general has been rough. The few cosplay events I have been to have usually been accompanied by some degree of anxiety, so I haven't really been able to enjoy them as much as I would have wanted. 

Photo from this spring

The stuff I usually agonize about is, with all this on top, harder to manage. I just want so many things that time and money prevent me from having. When I don't have them, when I have to wait longer for the money to buy that new costume or order that new t-shirt, I get frustrated. When I get home from work, I'm tired and I don't feel like working on costumes or writing, let alone put in the effort to work on actually finding a real job. So the things I want to have get delayed...and delayed...and delayed. I pass the time at work gathering wool about what to put into my stories, but I get home and I am too eager to find an excuse to not spin it. I don't get to eat out every weekend. I don't have a lot of food in my fridge, and I don't feel like cooking much. I'm stuck at a job that I don't want, I don't have money to buy everything I need or want, I'm not going to the places or doing the things that I want to do. And worst of all, I never get to spend time with the people I want to see the most.

I never get what I want, right when I want it, as much as I want it. 

All I focus is on what I want.That just makes me more miserable.

This morning, I had a moment of inspiration. Instead of thinking about what I don't have and haven't achieved yet, I could instead feel gratitude for the things that I do have. The things that I have done. What I HAVE accomplished.

Last September, right before Comic Con, I was having a really bad time. All I could focus on were the areas where I was failing. But during a phone call with my mom, she reminded me of the things that I have achieved and the things that I had to look forward to that very weekend. Her sharing that with me was a reminder that I am worth something. That I am capable of doing things--good things, great things, difficult things.  

You know, I could use the same kind of perspective right now. 

I don't get to see my cosplay friends a lot. But we have shared a lot of good experiences. Why be sad about the fun I could be having, when I can look back and remember the good times? 

There are a lot of costumes I want to build or I am somewhere in the stages of building. I don't have time/resources to allocate to creating one-hundred-percent-screen-accurate-costumes right now. But I have already created outfits for a lot of my favorite characters. I've sewn a few of them myself, even. I'm not the best at crafting things by hand, but the stuff I do put together looks good, and it tells a story. People recognize these characters and appreciate me for bringing them out. And I've been able to create some beautiful art through cosplay.

I don't have time to be a full-time writer/author right now. It makes me sick sometimes, to think of all the story ideas that I have that I don't have time to sit down and write, even in my spare time. Guys, being a writer is hard work!

But I do have these stories to tell. I have places to go in my head and my heart. I have stories that I can plan out in my mind. When I get the chance, I can sit down and chip away at them, a little bit at a time. Even though I can't share them all right now, the ones I have created have given me a place to go where I can be happy and safe, and where I can find a different way to analyze my fears. 

I know I haven't posted as much in my blogs as I've wanted to so far this year. But looking back, I have actually written a lot of posts over the last two years, and some of them are actually great.

I don't get to travel a lot. I haven't been outside of Utah since Christmas. I haven't been able to travel anywhere new lately. The only time I ever left the country was when I was three, and that was for a wedding in Mexico I don't even remember. I did get to go to Nauvoo and Florida when I was little, but I feel like it doesn't count. I haven't really BEEN anywhere cool since becoming an adult. And I've been telling myself for years that I was going to save up money and travel. 

But I have been to fantastic places. Right here in the West. I see these places sometimes every summer. I know where they are. I can always go back to them in my mind.

There are friends I don't see in person a lot. But I post things on social media to make them laugh. I still know them. They still know me.

I haven't been able to go out much this summer. But I have made it to four wedding receptions in the last three months--that's actually kind of a record. And I have also been doing a lot of reading--more on that coming next week.

Some of you know, I have invested a lot of my soul in Salt Lake Comic Con in the last few years. Salt Lake Comic Con regularly has a high turnout of big-name celebrities. But I have never had the money to get photo ops or autographs with any of them--except for Carrie Fisher and John Rhys-Davies. Those were two experiences that I will never forget. I also met Ray Park and Daniel Logan in passing. And LeVar Burton. I may want their autographs but I HAVE met them and that's saying something. I may not have gotten their autographs but it was still just as cool to meet them. I've meet some of my favorite authors as well, and been able to meet up with my friends in the professional geeking world. 

And as for the other celebrity guests--Mark Hamill, Chris Evans, Jeremy Renner, Anthony Daniels--I've been able to go to their Q&A panels. I've been in the same room as them, and been entertained by them with thousands of other fans. I saw and heard them in person. Some of the things they've done at Salt Lake Comic Con have gone viral over the internet, and I am able to say that I WAS THERE. And there are guests that I want to come or to come back very badly to upcoming conventions. But if I complain about them too much, I'll forget the good times we HAVE had with the people who HAVE been. And when looking back, I shouldn't listen to the snarly voice in my head that says "You should be grateful for what you already got and stop asking for more." No. Just be grateful. Just feel it.

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I don't live in a penthouse. I don't have an apartment all to myself. I'm still living in the Provo "bubble." But I do have a nice place to live. And I can decorate it however I want. I'm walking distance from BYU campus and some good shopping areas, fast food, and I can get to a bus stop easily. (Plus I haven't misplaced my UTA farepay card for the last several months. There's something to be said for that).  

I'm not a perfect person. I'm not a flawless Molly Mormon. I don't go to the temple EVERY week. I don't make it to church sometimes because I sleep in. Sometimes I only read my scriptures for five minutes instead of fifteen. I haven't done any visiting teaching this summer. And I get angry. A lot. Over stupid little things.  But I am striving to be a good person. I do things that invite the Holy Ghost in my life. I'm trying to socialize more with my ward. I go to the temple when I have the time and energy, and I've been doing better the last couple of weeks. I've started reading through conference talks with my scripture study. 

I have my temptations and weaknesses. But I don't let them define who I am or who I want to be.

I don't have a car, but walking everywhere keeps me in somewhat good shape. My job requires physical activity as well. I'm actually pretty tough physically. And even if my mental health is a mess my physical health problems aren't usually worse than the occasional cold. 

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Remember that meditation I posted last year, Your Focus Determines Your Reality? If all I do is focus on how badly I want something, then the negative feelings will harm me. If I focus on everything that is going wrong, then my life is, indeed, a disaster.

If I take time to look back and think about the things that I do have--a place to live, food to eat, a decent job with reasonable hours, lots of costumes, lots of memories, lots of friends both near and far away--then I realize that I not only have a lot, but I AM a lot. 

What I have may not be the same as what the more-accomplished-adult in the Ritz has, but I shouldn't give in to the trap of thinking that what I have isn't "real" or as important. 

This line of thought inspired me to re-read a talk that President Uchtdorf gave in conference a few years ago, "Grateful in Any Circumstances." It's humbling that I've finally figured out what that talk was about and that I have a reason to apply it. Gratitude isn't so much counting off your specific blessings as it is having the capacity to appreciate those things--the capacity to feel that these things are gifts from God. Especially when times are hard. Seeing the good in the world, in your life, requires faith.

I know my posterity may not be satisfied that I have not kept very consistent personal records over the last several years. But I hope that when they read these blog posts, they will be able to see how I was able to find the positive in difficult circumstances. That's all I want for anyone who reads this next week to get from it, too.

The Lizy Reviews: Moana (With In-depth discussion)

Disney’s recent princess movies have a habit of coming out when I need them to. Tangled was a capstone for a period in my life when I’d had a change in perspective and understanding, and it encouraged me to follow the dreams I was starting to discover. Frozen happened when I had put my first really bad battle with depression behind me. It reminded me that my Autism and my obsessive side were gifts as much as they were a curse, and that the best way to bridle them was with love.

Now here we are. It’s 2017. Moana is officially the last movie I will ever see in the Provo Dollar Theater before it goes the way of all the earth. And it comes at a time in my life when I’m torn between what’s expected of me by other people and what I want for myself. Moana navigates her internal conflict to find a way to save her island from an ancient curse.

Disney UK

This review will be full of spoilers, so you know the drill.

First Reactions

I cried when Grandma Tala died. Literally. Granted, I was having a stressful day. So at that particular scene I let it out.

I was hesitant about Moana because I know Disney is trying to be politically correct and do the whole diversity thing in their movies. But I kept hearing lots of good stuff about this movie. Turns out, I’ve forgotten how much I actually like Polynesian culture.

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If you want to be too hard on this movie, you can look at Moana as just Tangled or Frozen rehashed in Polynesia. The girl has an obligation to society but she wants to follow her dream, and she overcomes get things the way she wants. Moana acts like a typical spunky Princess, almost kind of like Rapunzel. Her affinity for boats also gives me a bit of a Pocahontas vibe, too. But Moana breaks the mold in several ways--including, most notably, a lack of a romance or marriage plot. And it’s actually refreshing. The film just focuses on the adventure. Moana is already an empowered female character, and she has lots of physical agility and a thorough education. The only thing she doesn’t have going for her: no one is allowed to leave their small island. And she wants to go. Badly.

We never get the full story of how/why Maui stole the Heart of Te’Fiti. He probably just wanted its power like all the other baddies in the movie. But Maui is a fun character. Especially when he has a shark head. Shark-head Maui is the best Maui!

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My favorite thing about the movie? The music. Oooooh, the music! When I heard Lin-Manuel Miranda singing “We Know the Way,” I knew it was real.

Moana is definitely a family-friendly film. There are some scary moments when Moana and Maui take on the lava monster, and some rude humor to watch for. But it's very clean and uplifting.

Overall, I like Moana even better than Frozen. This is the Disney movie I’ve been waiting for.

Gender Roles: Moana versus Maui

One of my small concerns/critiques about this film is how it portrays and projects gender roles in the contrast of Moana and Maui.

The island society that Moana comes from is fairly egalitarian. The men and women of the island may have separate roles but they aren’t discussed and it doesn’t make them better than the other.  Moana is next in line to become chief after her father. She is never picked on or demeaned or told to do something because she is a woman. Maui calls her a princess but that’s about it. As far as gender roles, this is about as level a playing field as we’ve ever gotten for a Disney film.

Pinterest

Enter Maui. The story revolves around fixing a mistake that Maui made, and at the outset Moana expects him to do it himself. However, he ends up backing out of the venture and Moana has to save the day. Maui is also a more comical character than Moana. His physical strength, magic powers, and knowledge of wayfinding and lore are important to the story. However, he is a trickster responsible for the calamity in the first place and a shape shifter. He’s a braggart. The audience is not supposed to respect Maui or idolize him as much as Moana--even though Moana is being pedestalized for reasons that don’t embody traditional femininity.

Here’s the thing: you can’t jump to the conclusion that just because Moana is the hero that all men are jerks or that women don’t need men to save the world. Because Maui came back to help her and it took both of them to deal with Ta’ka. Yes, selfishness of the Maui variety is an actual problem. Yes, people need to put that selfishness aside to help each other. It is a message that transcends gender or gender roles.

But there is something to be said about the fact that male Disney characters keep being maligned as unfaithful and narcissistic. Most Disney heroes and princes--most of them, NOT all--are either underdeveloped or emasculated in some way. Maui is no exception. He’s a rounded character but not really a traditional hero with a moral compass. He has super-strength but he can’t really do anything without his magic fishhook, and he needs Moana’s help to get the fishhook back, but this also supports the point that he and Moana can’t accomplish anything without help from the other. Maui’s masculinity is a caricature. Moana isn’t a perfect person, either, but it’s not as easy to see her flaws. Moana and Maui are great characters, but is it possible to create a strong female character without marginalizing the male in some way?

Ta’feti/Ta’ka was definitely female but other than that had no real personality beyond her fire duality. She was a goddess and characterized as one. She doesn’t really behave as a person. So Disney hasn’t had a good female villain since Mother Gothel. But Ta’feti/Ta’ka isn’t really a villain. She simply IS.

Beautiful fan art (Pinterest)

Forgot to mention: the ocean. It's definitely gender-fluid in every sense of the term. Maybe based on its relationship with Moana it's a little feminine. The ocean is never really explained except for the fact that it "chose" Moana. But I wonder why they needed to make the ocean crest into a hump whenever it wanted to interact with Moana? Other than to make it distinguishable. There are plenty of things they could have done. Just a small nitpick.

As far as gender, I don’t think this movie is saying anything radical. That can be a good thing. To a point, gender is not as irrelevant to the subliminal message as you think. But the film is careful to tie Moana back to her people and her family. I'm not saying I have a huge problem with this. It's just something I wanted to point out.

The Music

The music of Moana is a voyage in itself. Lin-Manuel Miranada, we already know, came into the spotlight as the composer for the Broadway musical Hamilton. One of the peculiarities of Hamilton is the way that different lyrics and meloides are attached to certain characters and then repeated in different songs to tie the show together. We see the same technique at work in Moana. Grandma Tala’s line “who you are” first appears in “Where We Are.” Then it gets repeated in “I Am Moana” and “Know Who You Really Are,” and it even gets referenced by the crab Tamatoa in “Shiny.” “I am Moana” is probably the best song in the whole movie because it blends together the themes from “Where We Are,” “How Far I’ll Go” and “We Know the Way.” With the slant rhymes, the rhythm of the words, the visual imagery in Shiny and the rap in “You’re Welcome,” we know that we’re dealing with a master hip-hop artist here. However, Miranda is also a master at more traditional Disney melodies. “How Far I’ll Go” and “We Know the Way” are my two new favorite songs. "Shiny" is the best Disney Villain song since freaking "Mother Knows Best," and it has a vibe similar to "Friends on the Other Side" and "Friend Like Me." Also, may I mention that unlike Frozen and Tangled, we get a reprise of "We Know the Way" at the very end of the movie. Major points.

The Mythology of Moana

Moana does not recreate Polynesian mythology straight from the myths, but it is more accurate to its source material in the details than Hercules or Pocahontas--not that those were bad movies; Moana is just better.

This is what the big picture looks like in Moana’s world. Creation is either the result of divine benevolence (Ta’Feti) or accident (Maui).  Other miscellaneous beings--Ta’ka, the Kakamora, and the sea monsters--don’t have any real relationship to humans to benefit or harm them intentionally, but if you bother them they will bother you back. If you have something they want, though, good luck.

Business Insider

The humans in this story stay on the island away from other creatures (the island is a “safe” zone”), find purpose and order in their lives in carrying on their traditions, living their lives, and staying in boundaries. It is when they have been on the island too long without leaving or changing that Ta’ka’s curse begins to sap away at the life of the island. The island peoples have to expand in order to survive but Moana and Granma Tala are the only ones on their island who recognizes this. The only world that anyone knows is the island and everything else is legends.

Giphy

The voyaging ancestors of Moana’s people found purpose in exploring a bigger world, in expanding their domains and being connected to different islands. They did not limit their resources to a single island which is a lot more practical in an economic sense as well as a spiritual one, and Moana’s story illustrates both of these aspects.

To conventional audiences, Maui can come across as a jerk. And he is. Because he is a trickster. Everything he does, including acts that result in creation, are for kicks (“that was just Maui messin’ around). He isn’t necessarily good or bad. He’s just self-motivated (although the mini-me in his tattoos lends a human touch by acting as his conscience). He is a shape-shifter. His identity is fluid, so while it can benefit him to change his shape, you also can’t trust him because you don’t know who he really is.

What Is the Message?

Who am I? That is a question I have been asking myself a lot lately. Am I supposed to be a responsible adult? CAN I do the things I’m supposed to to take care of myself? Is being a geek and a writer and a dreamer something I can do on the side, or is it going to keep me from being who I’m supposed to be?

Moana spends the film asking herself the same questions. And like her, I am drawn to the horizon of what I it is possible for me to do with my talents. If I can do everything in my power to achieve my goals, who knows what I can create? Who knows where I can go, what I can do, who I can meet, who I can be? That’s the tantalizing question.

Moana is about finding out who you really are. And not just for the heroine. Is the dumb chicken just a dumb chicken? Can Maui be Maui without his fishhook? And does Ta’feti, the benevolent creator, need to be Ta’ka, the fuming destroyer, just because her Heart was wrongfully taken from her?

“I am Moana,” sung by Grandma Tala’s spirit and by Moana after Maui ditches her on the high seas, is the most powerful moment in the film. It is okay if you have to give up. It’s okay if you fail, says Grandma. I will be with you. What matters is who you’ve become because of what you’ve experienced. What matters is that you ARE capable. And what matters, Moana decides, is that she CAN finish the mission herself.

nicktheilart.deviantart, via Pinterest

The nice thing about Art, including animated films, is that you can interpret it however you want, and there is not a 100% correct answer to what a piece of art is absolutely about.

It can look like, to some people, that the message of Moana is to go and do whatever you want with your life and don’t worry about your family obligations or their values etc. And that is a valid interpretation. But here is my perspective as a person of faith: sometimes doing the thing, including doing the morally RIGHT THING, can mean going outside of the boundaries that other people set. Or even boundaries you set yourself.

Now, forbidding people to leave the island was kind of a stupid idea in the first place. And Moana didn’t leave just to follow her dream of sailing the seas: she did it to save her people. The fact that voyaging was her dream gave her the courage to pursue that option. Her people’s food supplies were threatened. It was a matter of life and death. If they didn’t change their fishing grounds or make contact with other islands to trade for food, they were going to DIE (talk about your cheese getting moved). Moana had the courage to voice a different idea. She had the courage to take action and do something that would solve the problem. But doing that required her to be different. She spent her life doing everything in her power to fit in and be a good girl but in the end she had to be an agent of change.

I had a thought during my church services last week. You don’t have to conform to what the world thinks you should do. Strength comes not from giving in to your carnal desires or doing whatever you want. Nor does it come from listening to people who say that doing so is the secret to happiness. Strength comes from doing what you believe in.

Pinterest

Sometimes having standards is what makes you different rather than what makes you a sheep. Sometimes the way you interpret your standards or work within the boundaries is going to come across to some people as going outside an accepted limit. Sometimes, events beyond our control make us different from the crowd and you get labeled for it. Sometimes you don’t reflect the image of what other people think an ideal person should be--the truth is, you never do. Sometimes what you believe in your heart isn’t going to be the same as the way everybody else thinks even if you identify with that group.

Moana is a film that speaks to everybody. Because it is a film about being different. Because it is going beyond the accepted limits that carries you to fulfilling your destiny. And sometimes your destiny can be doing more than even you dreamed.

Remembering President Hinckley

(I apologize for the crappy formatting. Much to learn I still have. :/ )

So a brief intro for those of you reading this who are not members of my faith: the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is led by living apostles and prophets. They lead the Church based on direct revelation from God. The current prophet and president of the Church is Thomas S. Monson. Today’s blog post is about the fifteenth president of the Church and President Monson’s predecessor, Gordon B. Hinckley. President Hinckley’s teachings are the course of study for Priesthood and Relief Society classes in the Church this year. Reflecting on President Hinckley’s life has caused me to feel, how shall we say, a little nostalgic. But personal blogs are for reminiscing, so let me put it to use.

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A Leader During a Time of Change

Technically Ezra Taft Benson was the prophet when I was born. But I don’t remember him. Or President Howard W. Hunter. I don’t remember when President Hinckley became the prophet. He was just always there.

Gordon B. Hinckley made a huge mark on the Church. His administration was a time of growth and growth requires a lot of energy. So I remember his energy, and the energy that everyone in the Church felt at that time. He did a lot in bringing the Church into the public spotlight and representing us to the media. He brought the Church into the age of the Internet. When I was a little kid my family had to go to our chapel to watch General Conference, but by the time President Hinckley passed we were staying home for 3 or more sessions and watching or listening to it on the internet.

During his time as prophet, membership in the church passed 11 million worldwide and then accelerated (Today we’re past 14 million). President Hinckley made long, arduous trips across the globe to visit as many of the Latter-day Saints as he could and to meet with world civic leaders.

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And he built temples. Dozens of them. President Hinckley had a deep reverence for the temple. It was mentioned at his funeral mentioned that every time he reached the underground parking entrance to the Salt Lake Temple he would remove his hat as a sign of respect. With such a reverence for the temple, it’s not surprising that he made such an effort to bring the blessings of the temple to the saints around the world.

While Gordon B. Hinckley was the president, the Church went from under 50 temples in the early 90s to 124 or so in the late 2000s. The San Antonio Texas temple was one of these temples. I saw him in person twice in my lifetime: when he came down to Texas in June of 2001 I think to announce the temple and in May of 2005 when he came for the dedication.

He held a special meeting for the youth right before the Heart of Texas Jubilee, the cultural event we had slaved putting together to celebrate the temple. He told a lot of jokes, I recall, but I can’t remember exactly what most of them were. He did say to the adults that this meeting was for the youth: “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” He gave us four of his nine “Be’s” but I can’t remember which ones. President Hinckley put a lot of emphasis on the youth, in his ministry. He taught us to stay true to our values, no matter what.

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I remember at the dedication he made a joke about green bananas and advised against growing old. He also apologized for his husky voice due to the superior air quality of San Antonio to Salt Lake. That’s some serious shade right there.

He was just so COOL. But more importantly he loved all of the members of the Church. And everyone who met with him felt it.

A Wry Sense of Humor

One thing I loved President Hinckley for was his humor. He was known to share funny anecdotes in his conference talks. And he could crack good one-liners occasionally.

But one way he made people laugh, though, was how he surprised them with his personality. Mike Wallace’s introduction to Standing for Something is one of the most hilarious things ever written, mostly because it is about how taken aback he was to interview President Hinckley, and about how agog everyone else was that President Hinckley had the nerve to go on Sixty Minutes. Nerve. That’s a great word to describe president Hinckley.

President Hinckley didn’t let old age slow him down from doing the Lord’s work--or being his usual exuberant self. I remember at his funeral, President Monson told this story. He and President Hinckley went to the same doctor. One time at a doctor’s visit, the doctor told President Monson that President Hinckley didn’t actually use his cane to support himself while he walked. More often than not, he used his cane to wave at people. The doctor politely asked President Monson if he would intervene and tell President Hinckley to actually use his cane like he was supposed to. But President Monson replied, “You’re the doctor. You tell him.”

 (lds.org)

When he rededicated the Tabernacle on Temple Square, President Hinckley informed the congregation with some regret that, although many improvements had been made to the historic structure, the benches were still just as hard.

On humor, he said, “In all of living, have much fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured.”

He saw humor as a better way to handle life’s difficulties than anger or despair, and that was part of his overall philosophy.

Gordon B. Hinckley and Optimism

Gordon B. Hinckley was an apostle and later president of the Church in times when the world at large was undergoing political, economic, and social turmoil. An address he gave to BYU in 1974 came right on the heels of Nixon’s resignation. He commented on how he had read in the newspapers about Gerald R. Ford pardoning Nixon, and more disturbingly how public opinion at the time criticized Ford for doing so. President Hinckley said to himself, “Surely, this is the age and place of the gifted pickle-sucker.”

“I come this morning with a plea that we stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. I am suggesting that we “accentuate the positive.” I am asking that we look a little deeper for the good, that we still our voices of insult and sarcasm, that we more generously compliment virtue and effort. I am not asking that all criticism be silenced. Growth comes of correction. Strength comes of repentance. Wise is the man who can acknowledge mistakes pointed out by others and change his course. I am not suggesting that our conversation be all honey and blossoms. Clever expression that is sincere and honest is a skill to be sought and cultivated.

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What I am suggesting and asking is that we turn from the negativism that so permeates our society and look for the remarkable good in the land and times in which we live, that we speak of one another’s virtues more than we speak of one another’s faults, that optimism replace pessimism, that our faith exceed our fears.”

Gordon B. Hinckley was President of the Church when 9/11 happened. In the General Conference that followed--the very weekend that the war began in Afghanistan--President Hinckley gave an address that, in my opinion, reflected his teachings on the need for hope and optimism even in times of distress.

I do not wish to be an alarmist. I do not wish to be a prophet of doom. I am optimistic. I do not believe the time is here when an all-consuming calamity will overtake us. I earnestly pray that it may not. There is so much of the Lord’s work yet to be done. We, and our children after us, must do it….

God our Eternal Father will watch over this nation and all of the civilized world who look to Him. He has declared, “Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord” (Ps. 33:12). Our safety lies in repentance. Our strength comes of obedience to the commandments of God….

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Are these perilous times? They are. But there is no need to fear. We can have peace in our hearts and peace in our homes. We can be an influence for good in this world, every one of us.

He told us repeatedly that even though there is political and economic turmoil in the world at large, we should rejoice because of how the Gospel is spreading and how medicine and technology are improving every day--in other words, how God is pouring out blessings for humankind. It is a message that is reiterated in General Conference as recently as last October, and it is a message that needs to be heard more than ever today.

President Hinckley urged Latter-day Saints to remember the Savior, Jesus Christ, who said on multiple occasions to the followers in His day, “Fear not.”

Things Will Work Out

It isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don't worry. I say that to myself every morning. It all works out in the end. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us. If we will put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers.

(Quote pulled from Positive Thinkers Journal)

I was in the middle of a personal crisis in late January of 2008. One Sunday night, I asked my dad for a priesthood blessing. He was in the middle of giving it when the phone rang. My mom got up to answer it. When Dad had finished blessing me, Mom told us that the call was from our grandma up in Utah. President Hinckley had passed away.

President Hinckley "knights" President Eyring after his promotion to the First Presidency, about ten years ago. From an article written shortly after President Hinckley's death
(Deseret News)

I was kind of stunned by the news. Stunned enough that the next day at school I was too dazed to pay much attention to my thorn in the flesh. Sadly, I wasn’t one of those cool teenagers who had a cell phone with a texting plan and I never got the memo that said wear your church clothes to school in honor of President Hinckley.

I was still working on getting my drivers’ license at the time and that Saturday I drove on Interstate 10 for the first time when I went out to help Dad with some errands. In the afternoon we went home and watched President Hinckley’s funeral over the computer.

Even after his passing, he made a big impact on my life. That fall, due to my increasing personal stress, I moved to Arizona to attend school for a year at Snowflake High School. My art teacher there had one of President Hinckley’s quotes on optimism on his desk. But I kind of didn’t believe in it. Optimism hadn’t fixed my social situation back in Texas.

Aggieland Mormons via Pinterest

Then in April of 2009 I went to Disneyland for the first time. Sure, it’s the happiest place on earth, but there were some stressful moments on that trip. Like how I started my period when we pulled over for a break in Flagstaff and I didn’t have any feminine supplies. And then my friends and I were running late to an event with our group and we had to almost run all the way from one side of California Adventure to backstage at Disneyland. And then the morning of the second day I woke up and threw up.

The second night for some reason I didn’t want to ride on Space Mountain. What was more, I made a fool of myself by talking my friends out of not going because we were trying our best to stay together in groups. I felt really bad afterward, and to this day I think it would’ve been smarter to just go on the ride with my friends even if I didn’t want to.

But if we had gone on Space Mountain, we would never have emerged onto the main square at Disneyland right in time for the most amazing fireworks display I had ever seen. Fireworks so big and bright that they made it look like daytime.

Disneyland

When I look back on that trip, I think of everything that went right: the nice hotel we stayed in, riding The Matterhorn and Pirates of the Caribbean twice each, the Aladdin musical, goofing off with my friends, and going to the beach before we headed back to Arizona.

And the fireworks. Especially the fireworks.

And I think of President Hinckley.  Things did work out. Some things went wrong and some things were less than perfect, but the way everything went, it went for the better.

Looking back at my life, things did go wrong, but they also did work out in the end. Leaving the only school I had known was a disappointment, but going to Snowflake for a year was one of the best things that ever happened to me. And then having to leave Arizona and go back to Texas to finish my senior year was the worst, but it wasn’t really so bad. And I was rewarded with tenfold blessings when I got to BYU.

President Hinckley was, in fact, right when he said that things do work out for the better. So I can have the faith that, no matter what bad things I’m going through right now, or will have to go through in the future, someday I will reach a better place, and I will be able to look back and see that everything that I went through happened for a reason.